“When should you help an older American across the street? First, make sure they really are old. Many people in their forties and fifties get annoyed when you offer them a ‘helping hand!’ Also, make sure they are planning to cross the street. Why pull them out in traffic if that’s not where they wanted to go? Also, make sure they aren’t so old they’ll prevent you from making it across the street! It’s good to help our senior citizens, but please be careful!”

“How do you stop a friend from buying an unflattering dress? Don’t be critical, you might hurt her feelings! Instead, when she tries it on, start laughing uncontrollably as if she’s being deliberately ‘wacky!’ You’ll save her the cost of a dress she’ll never wear, and it always feels good to laugh!”

“Never buy shoes that cost more than your car.”

“How can you convince yourself to go to the gym? I’ve found money is a great incentive for just about anything! So start paying yourself five thousand dollars every time you go to the gym. You’ll be amazed at how fast the money adds up and the pounds come off!”

“For safety and self-respect, never go on a blind date that lasts longer than a weekend—unless it’s to the Caribbean!”